Sorry I haven't written a journal in so long. My life has been going at a slow pace recently.
In case you weren't aware, I plan on moving back to my hometown to live with my sister,
CaliforniaHunt24, and attend college there. We planned on having me up there by summer of last year...
it's been almost a year since I've graduated high school.
So, what happened? Well, a few things. Some of them are my doing, others are due to other parties.
I guess I should start when I graduated. I was given over $1,000 in graduation money, and my dad didn't want my mother to have access to my bank account. So we drove to the nearest Wells Fargo bank and made me my own account. I had hoped to save some of that money to help pay for our trip north. But as the moving day moved further and further away, I slowly spent the money till I had very little left. "Well, why didn't you get a job?", you say. Two reasons; One, I had hoped to be out of here fairly quickly, I didn't want to get a job only to quit a few weeks later, and two, I don't have a car, Oklahoma gets very hot, and I was scared to drive.
In my youth, I've seen many commercials, news stories, and even seminars in school about car accidents and how common they are. Even a girl died in a drunk driving accident while I was still in elementary school. All this built up to me being afraid to get behind the wheel. My dad and sister made it clear that I wouldn't be allowed to go north till I learned how to drive, but my anxiety elongated that process. I got my learners permit, and I spent the summer learning how to drive. When I finally got the courage to take my driving test, I booked it for November 18, so that way if I failed I could at least look forward to playing Pokemon Sun. Well, I did fail, I was a nervous wreck the whole test. It was so quiet in the car that when the instructor told me to do something, it startled me. I retook my test a few days later and just barely passed. Now that I had my license, I could drive myself to a job, right? WRONG. My mom said it was too expensive to add me to the insurance plan, so I'm not allowed to drive. Well then WHY THE FUCK DID WE MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT ME GETTING A LICENSE THEN?!
So, I stayed home, becoming the maid of the household. It was my job to clean the house, do the dishes, take care of the animals, so on so forth. I waited, and waited, and waited for my parents to give me a day when I would move. But things constantly got in the way, some understandable, others not so much. My great-grandmother passed away, so my mother made an unplanned trip to Virginia to help go through her stuff. My dad began working late and even on weekends hoping to earn some extra overtime. I made attempts to get a conversation going with my parents so we could come up with a plan, but they brushed it off every time. "We'll get you there," they would say. Slowly, the friends I had made in my new town moved away, leaving me with no one to hang out with. Eventually, I learned my mother had spent money on tickets to a concert. OK, back the fuck up. I've been waiting to move back north for almost a year, being constantly told we didn't have the money, yet my mom has the money to buy tickets to a FUCKING BOY BAND CONCERT?!?! This was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After a talk with my father, I got the courage to walk down the street to the nearby grocery store to get a job. Once I do get a job, I'm gonna help my father save for this trip. My mom applied me for disability (because of my Asperger's), but I never asked for it. Something I never want to do is use my autism as a crutch. Just because I struggle to interact with people doesn't mean I need money from the government! I'm gonna prove to her that I can do things on my own, without disability benefits.
So, that's what's been going on recently, I would appreciate any support you could offer me. Not money, but emotional support, that's the one thing I truly need right now. Knowing that there are people who care about me and support me in my efforts to go home...
Thank you for reading.